It’s the 4th week of treatment and I’m dreading it. I’m also behind on documenting this week’s experience because I’ve been sick all week. At the moment I am trying to erase my memory of last week and prevent it from replaying while I’m sitting there waiting for my cocktail to be mixed and delivered.
The 3rd week and giving nausea the boot.
Last week was the roughest week so far in terms of pain, fatigue, mental anguish and sleepless nights. I went in for my 3rd injection full of determination and armed with my firetrucks (see last post about fighting fires). I was on a mission to get off the anti-nausea pills to combat the nausea and stomach aches and pains because they had their own unpleasant side effects that are sometimes worse than the nausea itself.
Before going to the appointment, I brewed extra fresh ginger root tea with lemongrass stalks and drank a mug before going, sipped some prior to the injection, and sipped some on the way home. I was also armed with my favorite blend of peppermint, lemon, and lavender essential oil, sniffed it and applied a bit under my nose and the back of my neck to help rid of the sterile, medicinal smell of that room. I remember feeling fear and panic settle in the first time I walked into the infusion center and the “hospital” smell hit my nose. Not this time. Not only did the cool sensation of the peppermint keep my stress at bay but the lavender also helped me stay calm.
As I was in a better mental state this time, I was brave enough to take a closer look at the needle. It had to be a minimum of 1.5”, if not 2” long.
Perhaps it was the mental picture of the long needle implanted in my mind or the nurse who administered it or if it was because I opted to get poked on the left side instead of the usual right side or whatever but it hurt like hell! The little f*cker stung and the sting radiated to what felt like the circumference of a beach ball. They said that the injection site might hurt for a few days but I didn’t experience it the first two times. Well, I guess it was time to fall victim to it ‘cause I literally couldn’t move my leg for a while and had to sit there for 10 minutes before I could even think of moving my leg. Damnit!
When I got home, I went straight to bed. I felt like I ran a marathon and fatigue was settling in like a blanket of thick fog drifting over me. I learned from my first week’s experience that I woke up in a state of nausea and didn’t want that rude awakening again. So I pull out my nebulizing diffuser for the first time and was determined to not have to take any anti-nausea meds this week.
Nebulizing type diffusers use pure essential oils directly and don’t need water to diffuse. You can imagine how potent the aroma would be. It’s used for therapeutic type treatments… oh yea! fits my aggressive care criteria. In goes 10 drops each of peppermint, ginger, and frankincense, a combo to combat nausea and help me relax. Before I knocked out, I also rubbed several drops of DigestZen, a blend of ginger, peppermint, caraway, anise, fennel and tarragon essential oils onto my belly as well as this acupressure point that my dear friend, who is an acupuncturist, taught me about. Point P6: Pericardium 6 or Nei Guan (P6 or PC6) is commonly used to help relieve nausea, upset stomach, motion sickness, carpal tunnel syndrome, and headaches; it is located three finger breadths below the wrist on the inner forearm in between the two tendons.
I don’t remember much after that cause I knocked out for a few hours.
I woke up in a daze, but no signs of nausea (yet). The injection site still hurt like I got stung by a bee and I don’t remember the rest of the night, probably because I slept through it.
Chinese Body Clock
… and that was the end of sleep. For every night after, no matter how deep I’m sleeping, I get awoken at 1:03am, give or take a few minutes, and then stay awake til 5/5:30am like clockwork. No matter what I did, I could not fall asleep. My mind was sleepy and tired but my body did not let me sleep. On the brink of falling asleep, I am awakened by a twitch, twinge or dull back pain that crawls down my legs. No lavender nor body scan technique or slow deep breathing could lull me back to sleep. I’ve tried every tool I knew of and nothing worked except to give it time to pass. Surely, sometime between 5am and 5:30am, I fall back into a deep sleep. In my frustration, I consulted Dr. Google. There must be some explanation and I stumble upon this concept of the Chinese Organ or Body Clock that explains the concept of Qi (similar to prana) or energy and it’s ebb and flow through the body in 2 hour increments, each organ doing it’s job. I find that between 1am and 3am, the liver is being refreshed and it’s doing it’s work to cleanse the blood. Waking up at this time could mean that the liver has too much work to do and filtering out toxins as well as your emotional state processing anger and guilt. Hmmmm… it sounds very fitting as the liver is vulnerable to the toxicity of the chemo drugs and this situation does invoke those feelings within me. Between the hours of 3am and 5am, the lungs are collecting oxygen to prepare for the new day. It also helps remove additional toxins that may be present. This time is also associated with grief and sadness in your life. All sounds fitting to me.
Side note: perhaps this is why exercising or doing yoga in the morning energizes you for the whole day… you are capitalizing on your lungs most efficient time of the day.
Here’s where I found this Chinese body clock concept:
I’ve been having good days mixed in with some bad days but last week all I remember is a full night’s rest on Monday night and the rest of the week were bad days. Back pain, stomach pain, headaches, migraines, sinus pressure all mixed with a gloomy outlook. I literally felt like I was slowly decaying and starting to believe that with each passing week, it’s gonna get worse as the toxicity from the chemo accumulates. During those sleepless nights, I thought about dying, how that would feel like, how the people around me would react, how my family would survive without me and how it might even feel better than sitting here in a state of misery and watching the world pass me by. I know it’s drab but it’s such a real feeling that was surfacing and I know better than to suppress it or try to mask it with all things positive… so I let it surface. It was interesting to see where my thoughts lead… just like they say to do in meditation. Instead of fighting to suppress or eliminate your thoughts, let your thoughts come and watch where they go. Boy! Did those thoughts come when I gave them permission to express. They lead me down some dark places that induced lots of spontaneous tears that like a leaky faucet didn’t seem to stop. At some point I remember another voice telling me it was ok. I don’t know if that was my hubby coming out to sit with me on the couch and trying to console me in the middle of the night or if it was the voice inside of me. Eventually, some voice led me back to the place of determination, strength, and hope again.
Healing is a full time job.
Despite the lack of sleep and trying to manage the pains without extra pain killers, I was still mentally alert. Perhaps it was good to think about death because I felt more determined than ever to support my body and it’s God given abilities to heal itself. I still strongly believe in that.
I’ll have to retract my comment about merely sitting here watching the world go by because that is far from what I’m doing. My healing protocol is a full time job. Every few hours I’m washing, chopping, and juicing veggies. If you’ve never done this, it’s a pain in the butt and understandable why a fresh glass of juice can cost an arm and a leg.
With green juice in hand, my search for other healing alternatives continues. I’m most curious about this question: “what can I do to enhance my body’s healing mechanism or trigger it to stop producing these “bad” cells. Why is no one talking about this?
A little bit about trophoblast cells.
Bear with me, I’m gonna get a bit “science” here…. these so called “bad” cells are not necessarily bad. As I scoured the internet for research and medical papers, I’ve learned that these “bad” cells are called trophoblasts, specialized cells that play an important role in embryo implantation and placenta formation. If it weren’t for trophoblasts, we wouldn’t be here in human form. So they’re not necessarily bad. In fact, these trophoblasts appear at the sight of injury or other damage to your body to help regrow new cells. That’s a good thing. However, because they proliferate at an exponentially high rate, something very important during gestation, they become harmful when there isn’t a viable pregnancy or the body fails to destroy these fast growing cells which later develops into a tumor. In my case, if there isn’t a viable pregnancy, why doesn’t the body stop producing these trophoblasts? That’s the question I’ve been trying to find answers for. Unfortunately, the only certain answer I’ve found is chemotherapy. It’s reassuring that my condition is curable with chemotherapy… but at the cost of damaging every healthy cell in my body as well. I can’t simply accept that chemo is the only possible answer.
Upon further reading and searching, I came across the work of Dr. Nicholas Gonzalez and the trophoblastic theory of cancer. Fascinating stuff that provides a possible answer to my question. Unfortunately it is not mainstream protocol for my condition and I’ll let you formulate your own reasons why this is not widely accepted in modern medicine. To sum it up for you, in 1902 a man by the name of John Beard studied developmental embryology as well as cancer pathology. He reported that trophoblast cells act and behave in a manner identical to cancer cells (as in breast, lung, brain, etc type cancers) or vice versa. These trophoblasts produce human chorionic gonadotropin (HcG) hormones, which is why I get tested for these hormone levels every week. The interesting thing is that every cancer cell also produces HcG just like trophoblasts do. It seems obvious to me that we could find the cure for cancer if we understand how the body shuts down trophoblasts cells.
That’s what Beard observed. He found that on day 56 of gestation, the fetus’ pancreas begins to develop and excrete pancreatic enzymes. Beard thought that since a fetus doesn’t need these enzymes to digest food until birth because it gets it’s nutrition from the mother, he theorized that there must be an alternative function for these pancreatic enzymes. He explained and later proved that these pancreatic enzymes must be responsible for transforming the behavior of trophoblasts cells from invasive and malignant to benign and normal.
When Beard announced his findings, it was immediately rejected and at the same time there were some forty clinics in England that started to cure cancer using pancreatic enzymes. Despite this evidence, somewhere along the line, Madam Curie came along and convinced people that Xray was the way to cure cancer and so Beard’s theory was forgotten for several decades.
This theory was later resurrected by William Donald Kelley in the 60s and most recently by Nicholas Gonzalez in the 80s. If you have cancer or know anyone who has, it might be worth your time to do a bit of digging on anyone of these doctors and scientists as well as the Trophoblastic Theory of Cancer. Perhaps you can cure your cancer with little or no chemotherapy.
What is of interest to me are these pancreatic enzymes. I came across some information on a particular brand of supplements that contain the specific enzymes that doubles as support to the pancreas as well as help strip the fibrin, a thick outer coating that protects cancer cells from the body’s immune system as well as prevents chemotherapy from effecting it. This suppplement is sold under the name Wobenzym N.
It contains papain, bromelain, trypsin, chymotrypsin, pancreatin and rutin that provides systematic enzyme support for the body. You bet that when I came across this, I dragged my hubby out to the Vitamin Shoppe right before store closing to get me some. Interestingly, when we got to one of the stores, we found an empty locked case. The lady said they ran out and they keep it under lock because it’s a high theft item. Wha?Wha?What? It must be really good then. Luckily another nearby store had some in stock and I’ve been taking it everyday. The bottle says to take 3 pills 2 times a day, but for advanced usage, take 3 pills 4 times per day. That’s what I’ve been doing along with my green juice of pineapple, watercress and kale.
This was a combo that I came across to support the pancreas as pineapples contain bromelian, watercress contains anti-cancer phytonutrients and is an anti-carcinogen, and kale is another one with powerful antioxidants to boost immune health. I can’t prove that it’s working or not but I’ve noticed a big difference in my digestive function. Between the Wobenzym, essentail oils, ginger and lemongrass tea, DigestZen and PC6, I did not have to take any anti-nausea meds this week. It may not seem much to you but it was a HUGE WIN!! for me.
Here’s a pic of what trophoblastic cells look like in the uterus via ultrasound. The pic on the left shows a clusters of cells that often looks like a cluster of grapes instead of a developing fetus. The pic on the right is my green juice… I think of them as the green trophoblastic killers 🙂
I’ve also been chugging down wheatgrass because it’s known to contain all minerals the body needs, from vitamin A, B-Complex, C, E, I, K, protein, 17 amino acids, and chlorophyll (which I desperately need because it’s a blood builder). Thinking about the aroma of wheatgrass makes me wanna gag, but in a “slimy yet satisfying way,” I now crave it. I’m speculating that the wheatgrass is responsible for raising my hemoglobin count back to normal. I started chemo already anemic with a low hemo count and the nurse was worried it would drop because of the chemo side effects on bone marrow. We were both pleasantly surprised that my blood count levels are in normal range, especially since I’ve stopped taking iron supplements and have been on a vegetarian diet the last few weeks.
The other day, my 10 year old even took a shot of it in support of his mama. Since it was his first time, I had a lemon wedge ready for him. I wish you could’ve seen his face and his body as the shock of new flavors danced on his palatte. He wiggled and shook a funny face victory dance as he chugged it down 🙂 We high-fived and said, “Take that, cancer!”
Again my posts are super long. I have much to say, but I will stop here as I want to go lay down and rest before the effects of the 4th injection consume me. The end of the 3rd treatment showed a decrease of HcG levels another some 30,000 mlU/ml. I’m now in the 46,000s. Much lower but still considered super high and still at risk. I still have far to drop to get less than 5 and continue to hang on to the belief that my body is healing itself. I can’t thank you enough for your love, support and positive vibes you’ve been sending me. Many of you have asked how you can help and to that I am never sure of what you can do or what I can ask of you until the other night when I lay there tossing and turning. Please if you pray for me, please be specific in your prayers. Pray that my levels drop at least by half if not more this week and pray that my body will continue to heal. Thank you for being here with me! <3
If you’re interested in the trophoblast theory, here are some sites that I’ve found interesting and easy to digest: